Help! My Partner's Sex Drive Is Not Normal!

By Alicia Allen
•
23 Jan, 2018
•

A look at the Duel Control Model for Sexual Desire

Last month I was lucky enough to sit with two fabulous therapists: Betsy Walter and Caroline Roberge. Betcy is a phenomenal therapist who specializes in trauma and couple work. She uses empathy and understanding to help guide her clients. Caroline is an amazing therapist who works the world of addictions. She has a wonderful knack for stabilizing her clients and getting them into a space where they can make real changes in their lives.

On this particular day, Betcy and Caroline had some questions about what is most common issue I see with my clients. They weren’t surprised to learn that one of the most common complaints circles around sexual desire. And it doesn’t matter if they came to see me specifically for sex therapy or for couples work in general. Sexual desire tends to come up on a regular basis.

I went ahead and posted the video of our little chat on sexual desire. In this video, I talked to them about what happens when a couple complains that they have different sex drives and it’s causing problems in the relationship. This is what we call the mismatch libido. This is where one partner in the coupleship perceives that their sexual desire is significantly higher or lower than their partner’s sexual desire. This is where you might hear one person in the relationship say, “My partner wants to do it all the time.” Or, you might hear, “I partner’s frigid. My partner never wants to have sex.”

I discuss with Betsy and Caroline the importance of looking at this through the dual control model of sexual desire. This is a wonderful model that I use in my own practice to educate clients about mismatch libido and I have found that it makes sense to them because it matches up with their real world experiences.

If you feel like your sex drive is just different than your partners then check this video out and let me know what you think!

Share

Mail

Did you know that there was a time when you were gender-LESS?

By Alicia Allen • 06 Mar, 2018

For the first 6 to 8 weeks in utero , we are neither male nor female because we all start with the same reproductive structures, ducts, and undifferentiated gonads. Take a look at the infographic to learn more!

I Will Die If I Don't Get Laid!

By Alicia Allen • 29 Jan, 2018

A great question from the Be Sex Smart Facebook Community asking the importance of sex in our lives.

Welcome to the Be Sex Smart Series!

By Alicia Allen • 28 Oct, 2017

WELCOME!

You may be wondering what the Be Sex Smart Series is all about. Well, before we get into that, let me tell you how it all started. I love sex science. Yes, there is a science dedicated solely to the study of sex. I love discovering, learning, and talking about the science of sex. I enjoy it so much so that I decided to pursue a PhD in Clinical Sexology.

So, if there is ever a question you have about sex, send me a quick email. You know how much I love sharing what I know about human sexuality!

What’s clinical sexology?

What a great question! I get it all the time. Clinical sexology is the scientific study of human sexuality for the purposes of diagnosis and treatment of sexual dysfunction. Yup, that’s a very clinical definition. Let me tell you what I get to study. I get to study human behavior, relationships, physiology, biochemistry, neuroscience, history, culture, politics, and so much more. When you stop to think about it, sexuality touches almost every aspect of our lives, so all those areas may need to be addressed. And, because I am training to become a Clinical Sexologist, that means the work that I do with people is in a therapeutic setting. I am a psychotherapist (social worker by training) that specializes in sexual dysfunction. Think of sexuality as my specialty.

You still might be scratching your head and wondering what this series is all about. It started with a simple goal. All I wanted to do was undo all the miseducation there is regarding sex and sexuality, and to eradicate sexual shame. Right… That’s no small task!

But, my thinking is that if just one person walks away from this blog having learned something that helps them accept who they are sexually and that they are not “abnormal,” then I will call this endeavor of mine a huge success.

The goal is clear: EDUCATE!

The Be Sex Smart Series is all about educating people on the science and experience of sex. This blog will have articles, videos, pictures, and live streams that focus on sex, sexuality, and its impact on our lives. We’ll talk about our physical health, our relationships, our self-image, and whatever else we want to talk about.

So, if there is ever a question you have about sex, send me a quick email. You know how much I love sharing what I know about human sexuality!